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The Secret Life of a Concert-going Parent; or, I Know He's Not Eight, But He Wants to Go Anyway
The Secret Life of a Concert-going Parent; or, I Know He's Not Eight, But He Wants to Go Anyway
I have a confession: I bring my child to “grownup” concerts, even though he’s slightly under the required age. Believe it or not, he actually prefers them. I might even bring him to Music of the Baroque’s May concert, even though both performances are on school nights. Truth is, although I’m a big fan of the classical family concerts in Chicago and think most of them are quite well done, my son doesn’t enjoy them nearly as much as me. We went to one a few weeks ago, and just as I was thinking, “This is perfect! ‘Real’ music, high-quality performance, and lots of perfectly-timed stories and dancing to banish all possibility of boredom,” my son turned to me and said, “Why do people always assume that kids will think this is fun? I wish they’d stop talking so that I could hear the music.” Less than a week later, Jane Glover kindly gave me tickets to Chicago Opera Theater’s performance of La Clemenza di Tito, and because I haven’t the slightest idea how to find a babysitter, I decided to take my son. I had my doubts—it’s a great piece, but not what I would have chosen as an introduction to the genre. He loved it. When we were talking about the opera while navigating the Millennium Park garage during my pre-planned intermission escape, he was shocked to learn that it wasn’t over and made us go back in for the second half. And I’m pretty sure that he was the first one to give Jane a standing ovation. When I asked him what he enjoyed about it, his answer was poignantly simple: “There was just so much to listen to.”
Ever since that night, I’ve been thinking that my son is right. We make a lot of assumptions about what kids require to be entertained. We tend to approach classical music as if it’s the equivalent to vegetables—something that needs to be disguised or transformed to be palatable to a child. In the meantime, for-profit companies are hard at work spending lots and lots of money to convince kids that Hannah Montana is culturally relevant, not only because she’s on TV and in the movies but because you can take her picture to school on a lunchbox and connect with all the other kids who like her too. By the time kids are old enough to make decisions about what’s culturally relevant, they’ve been told what’s meaningful to them for at least a decade. My thoughts about this are just beginning to evolve, and I may share them here as I continue to put them into words. I’m wondering if rather than focusing on the failure of classical organizations to “cross over” to a music industry that evolved around high profit margins, “saving classical music” could start with the family concert. What if “family concert” referred not only to a concert whose content was geared towards kids, but also to a concert that was just plain easier for parents to attend with their children, rather than having to get a babysitter? No fanciful narratives, highly produced concert programs, or the visual equivalent of cheese sauce—just shorter works, earlier start times, weekend or summer dates, reduced concert lengths, and maybe some snacks. There would still be, as my son would say, “so much to listen to.” And kids might even like it.
What do you think? For those of you with young children, have you have similar experiences? Would you appreciate different opportunities? For those without, would you still attend a concert if you knew kids might be there?
Comments
Great post!
Wed, 6/3/2009 - 5:40pm — AnonymousMy daughter is 28 months.
(Very, very young, I know.)
We go to Grant Park Symphony concerts (since she was a few months old) and she just loves it. She behaves quite well, but there it's easy. Food, drink, blankie - what more do you need? But she LOVES classical music - always has.
Here is a verbatim recent conversation between us:
Me: "Mary, do you want to watch Blue's Clues?"
Her: "Nope. Church music!" (She calls almost any chorale music "church music." Carmina Burana? Sure, "church music!")
I know she'll get to a point where she's wriggly, but for now, I'm just SO glad I can take her to GPSO. What a luxury of being a Chicago resident.
I surely don't want her to have to wait 6 years for her first "real" concert! (I wouldn't dream of taking her before she's, say, four.)
I understand that in today's kidcentric culture, there are many oblivious parents who'll let their kids screech in restaurants, movies, etc.
But I'd like to think there aren't many classical concert patrons who'd put up with such nonsense.
My daughter also sits through a 1.5 hour Tridentine (Latin) High Mass every Sunday, and often hears Mozart, Bach, etc. She has twice now sat through Mozart's Requiem during a Mass. Those three hour Holy Week Masses/Tenebrae services with the Bach Passion and the Miserere Mei, Deus? She can't get enough.
She knows to behave in certain places - restaurants, church, etc., because I've taught her that. We use "inside voices" and if we get antsy, we get taken out, period.
What if the CSO et al could have just one day a month where it was "kid-friendly" day? Even a matinee midweek would be great.
(I know there are movie theaters that do this, though for the life of me, I can't imagine who'd want to go to a theater with a bunch of kids!)
:)
I don't want to upset the patrons at regular shows, and I don't want my kid getting a stinkeye for being a fiend for classical music.
Can you imagine what a great response these groups would get if they marketed a "Kids Love the Classics!" type event?
free snacks for all
Mon, 6/1/2009 - 12:04pm — Jen GlagovKeep in mind that I'm the parent of a boy who strongly objects to anything aimed at "kids" (this means no kids' menus under any circumstances), so this colors my thinking entirely. I think Chicago does a great job with kids' events, and Ars Viva's program sounds like a fantastic hybrid. Does anyone know of any "stealth" kids' concertS? (My ultimate fantasy is. Afterworks Masterworks with rice crispie treats instead of complimentary wine...)
The answer you are looking for
Wed, 5/27/2009 - 9:14am — AnonymousDear Jen,
The Ars Viva Symphony Orchestra started a program last year called MUSIC for LIFE that seems like just what you and others are looking for. In collaboration with the Music Institute of Chicago, the program targets children from age four to ten.
Ars Viva introduced MUSIC for LIFE as a way to expand the experience of classical music for families. The program concept is simple: parents (or grandparents) bring children between the ages of four and ten to our Sunday afternoon concerts (4:30 p.m.). They sit together in the audience for the first orchestral work on the program. After the opening piece, the Conductor excuses the children to go to a separate room with professional music educators from the Music Institute of Chicago. There they learn more about the music they have heard, the composer or the historical and cultural setting of the music. Instructors use visual arts, drama, storytelling, and movement to stimulate the children’s own imagination and creativity. Adult companions enjoy the remainder of the concert, join their children during intermission for refreshments, and pick them up when the concert is over. The program is offered at NO COST for the children, and free childcare for the entire concert is available for siblings under the age of four. The only cost is the adult's concert ticket.
The repertoire for these concerts is not works that traditionally appeal to children but our regular orchestral repetoire. Parents have an opportunity to share with their children the excitement of an orchestral performance. Equally important, they are able to engage more deeply with the music as adults, knowing that their children are in good hands. Children experience the sound of a symphony orchestra as members of the audience for a reasonable period of time. Then they explore the experience through active participation in arts learning that is developmentally appropriate. In this way, Music for Life meets the needs of both parents and children.
MUSIC for LIFE is an original approach to audience building and arts education with several unique features. First, it is a collaboration of two highly respected music institutions in the Chicago area, Ars Viva and the Music Institute of Chicago, with each partner doing what it does best. Second, it targets families with school-age children, a demographic segment that is notably absent from most classical music performances. Third, it combines music education with an authentic experience of live music.
If some children wish to stay in the concert longer, that is okay too. It sounds like your son might enjoy staying through until intermisison or even for the whole concert. But for those whose children do not have that desire or attention span, they get about 20 minutes of music in the concert and then go with their peers and the VERY talented Music Institute of Chicago teachers to learn and have fun. The children are divided into classes by age and the educational content is appropriate for each group.
You can read more on our web site: www.arsviva.org
Hope to see all of you and your children at our five concerts next season at the North Shore Center for the Performing Arts in Skokie!
Gayle Heatherington
Executive Director
thanks for the information!
Mon, 6/1/2009 - 12:00pm — Jen GlagovArs Viva's program sounds great. We'll have to check it out!
Check out Ars Viva's "Music for Life" program in Skokie!!!!
Wed, 5/27/2009 - 8:55am — AnonymousAs a Mom committed to exposing my children to as many art forms as possible with emphasis on classical music, I hope you will check out a remarkable program associated with the Ars Viva Symphony Orchestra. Ars Viva performs about 4 times per season at the Skokie Center for the Performing Arts which is across the street from Old Orchard Mall.
The Music for Life program is for kids ages 4 or 5 up to age 10. There is free babysitting available for littler kids. The kids sit with their parents for the first full piece (usually about 20-25 minutes long), then they are excused by the Maestro and accompanied to a classroom where Chicago Music instructors await. The kids enjoy arts & crafts, imaginative play, games etc all associated with the musical piece they just heard. The parents can pop in anytime (I usually just go at intermission). Safe, fun environment. Who knew classical music could be such a blast?
My daughter, who is 8, has accompanied me for 2 seasons now and truly loves it. And best of all, I then get to hear the rest of the performance without worrying about seats being kicked, squirming and loudly "whispered" questions. Heaven!
And it is economical too -- with an adult paid ticket, you get I think 2 free kids tickets.
I hope you'll check it out -- I think it will be exactly what you are looking for!
great idea
Fri, 5/22/2009 - 2:04am — AnonymousI think shorter (1 hour) "real" concerts early in the day would be great for me and my 7 year old, and occationally my 5 year old.
I took my son to Music of the
Fri, 5/22/2009 - 1:47pm — Jen GlagovI took my son to Music of the Baroque's concert on Monday and had several people come up to us just to say that it was really nice seeing a younger child at a concert, including the people sitting next to me (who apparently didn't mind the fact that it was difficult for him to find a comfortable position in his seat). I'm always a little worried that his presence will be stressful for other patrons, particularly because no matter how good he is, he's still a kid. My ultimate fantasy is a short concert, earlier in the day, weekends or summer, with no extra bells and whistles other than great music.
Bring him to a Sinfonietta concert
Thu, 5/14/2009 - 2:21pm — AnonymousJen,
We'd be happy to have you and your son at our concerts! He sounds like a cool kid, and we already know that you will behave....
Jim
Look for us in the audience!
Fri, 5/15/2009 - 4:11pm — Jen GlagovThanks, Jim--and I appreciate your faith in my concert etiquette. I haven't been thrown out of a concert yet, I'm happy to say.
It totally depends on the kid
Mon, 5/11/2009 - 1:44pm — AnonymousIt totally depends on the kid and the parent. If the kid is interested and can sit still and follow proper concert behavior at least long enough to get to intermission, then by all means bring them. And the parent also needs to be willing to remove said child if he becomes too restless. My 8-year-old loves listening to music but it is not always easy for him to sit still, so we tend to take him more frequently to things like the Grant Park Symphony, where he can move around when he needs to. But it's also important to bring children to regular concerts so they learn how to behave at one, how to sit still, how to listen, how to enjoy something in that way. But the time needs to be right and that's different for every child. Children's concerts are needed not because they dumb down the music (indeed, I hope they do not), but because at a children's concert, it's okay if a kid gets wiggly or even a little talkative. They have a chance to try out concert going in a less restrictive environment -- and the parents can relax a little too. I don't support randomly enforced age restrictions. Guidelines for age may help some parents. But they certainly don't apply to every child.
Right--kids' concerts are
Mon, 5/11/2009 - 2:06pm — Jen GlagovRight--kids' concerts are definitely needed. Not to keep returning to the same point, but I'd love to see a middle ground--"regular" concerts that are tailored for parents who want to bring their kids--shorter, better time, up-front agreements that kids will be there with all the risks that entails--but which don't have special content (stories, etc.) that might alienate older kids.
I took my daughter to a
Mon, 5/11/2009 - 12:06pm — AnonymousI took my daughter to a Hillary Hahn concert when she was five, just so she could see a young, talented player. I did get some dirty looks when we sat down, but she stayed quiet and still the entire convert (I think Hahn was playing some weird Shostakovich piece), and was complimented both at the intermission and the end of the concert.
She admitted she was bored a couple of times, but she liked spending time with Daddy where he worked (the Indianapolis Symphony), and I let he go between her seat and my lap.
The more parents can normalize the presence of children at "regular" concerts, the better it will be for everybody.
on the other side...
Mon, 5/11/2009 - 1:30pm — Jen GlagovThanks for sharing your story!. Does the Indianapolis Symphony have an age requirement for concerts? In Chicago, kids are generally supposed to be 8 and up, and I've been at concerts where this is enforced. I totally agree with the idea of normalizing kids' attendance at concerts. At the same time, I sympathize with ticketholders who might not appreciate the potential threat of an unruly young patron--after all, concert tickets are expensive, and noise--whether from a child or a cell phone--is irritating. Parents, do you avoid concerts out of fear that your child might act up? Would you be more likely to attend classical concerts if there were concerts that were kid-friendly, without being kids' concerts per se?
Kids and classical music
Thu, 5/7/2009 - 3:07pm — AnonymousKids and classical music newbies ARE smart and can handle this material - they just need a chance, an environment to say, ok, I can step back, relax and listen to this music and enjoy it for what it is.
It is music, an audible experience and that is good enough - a beautiful thing.
People aren't used to isolating one sense anymore - its no good unless you have video, music, and more.
Not a bad idea to get back to basics.
Good post!
Unplug the Wii!
Thu, 5/7/2009 - 4:36pm — Jen GlagovI'm glad I'm not alone! I'm thinking "Shut down the computer, unplug the XBox, and get back to fundamentals with your family." With the exception of Music of the Baroque and kids' concerts, I had planned to put my concertgoing on hold until my child was much older. I'm thrilled to think that I might get the best of both worlds--concerts and time with my child. But there are pitfalls when attending "adult" performances--I was grateful my son didn't catch the suggestive content in COT's production of La Clemenza di Tito, not to mention the added worry of making sure he didn't disturb other patrons. Perhaps catering a little to the 20-, 30-, and 40-somethings who want to attend "grownup" concerts with their kids might be a way to foster multiple generations of concert attendees.
hmmm,
Wed, 5/6/2009 - 8:37pm — AnonymousI think your son has a special dispensation or selective adaptation to music more adult than child-oriented! In other words, he's a good listener-- this seems to be partially genetic and only partially environmental. My kids, who are roughly the same age as yours, prefer things visual or kinesthetic; at a choir concert a few months ago in which their father was singing, they were wiggly and more interested in the architecture and couture of the audience than the auditory pleasures. Bravo to you for taking him. Bravo to him for 'getting it.'
thanks for your comment!
Thu, 5/7/2009 - 4:19pm — Jen GlagovYou're right--my son has unpredictable and somewhat unusual tastes. He's fully capable of being wiggly, too, so I sympathize--we went through a ream of scrap paper and several library books when we heard Messiah at Handel Week Festival in February. (Again, he chose to go...I wasn't convinced it was a great idea. Thankfully, he was very quiet.) I just wonder if in addition to kids' concerts, which are fun events in and of themselves, others might be interested in something to "bridge the gap" between those and standard concerts--something shorter and more conveniently timed for families. (The fact that most classical groups are on hiatus in the summer, when many people are more comfortable playing with schedules, makes it a little harder.) To push the vegetable metaphor a little further, if you only gave your kids fruits and vegetables a few times a year--and then only in casseroles and jello salads--they might end up with a different relationship to those foods, rather than just learning how good they are on their own.
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